I’m torn between craze and despair. I really wanna hurt someone, not just anyone, I only wanna hurt myself.
Cause everything is my fault and I shouldn’t be so stupid. I’m ashamed of myself. Of everything that I am.
The only thing I have is my outside. I look good, I’m nice, I’m talented, I’m desirable. Without my outside I would have nothing, probably I would be living in some sort of rehab, or I would had starved myself to death, if I couldn’t do that I’d probably had found another way to end it all.
But because of my outside people like me. They even say they love me. And I love them back, more than they probably can imagine.
So who am I to mess up their lives by killing myself?
I will keep om living for now, never for my own sake, but for yours.

Why I feel ten times more pathetic today? Cause I actually for a moment believed that I really mattered. But then again, I didn’t . No one needed me today , no one wanted me today . And I’m pathetic for getting my hopes up anyway. Cause everybody hurts me , but it’s okay. Since I’m sad and in pain all the time anyways, so what different does it make.
I would still do anything for you.

I am pathetic .
Why would anyone ever love me?
I’m the only one who really know me
And I hate myself

SHAMESHAMESHAME